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I have a five-year-old student who cries and throws a temper tantrum whenever he loses a game. Since he's in Kindergarten, he's supposed to play his first tournament tomorrow.
I won our first practice game, and he just burst into tears for ten minutes, even though I told him he played extremely well (which he did).
Has anyone encountered this kind of behaviour before? I need help!
Thanks, Jordan
No matter how big and bad you are, when a two-year-old hands you a toy phone, you answer it.
I have a five-year-old student who cries and throws a temper tantrum whenever he loses a game. Since he's in Kindergarten, he's supposed to play his first tournament tomorrow.
I won our first practice game, and he just burst into tears for ten minutes, even though I told him he played extremely well (which he did).
Has anyone encountered this kind of behaviour before? I need help!
Thanks, Jordan
I believe he is not ready for a real tournament. I will ask him to play in friendly games in the park, library...
I think this is great Jordan. It shows he is a very competitive player who doesn't like to lose. Competitiveness is not something you can teach. It is great he has that X factor.
I might try to play him 10 games, something like K+Q vs K, alternating who has the Q, just to get him used to losing, playing for tricks in losing positions, and learning from losses. In each tournament game you learn from each other, you are both teachers. Your opponent's smart plays strengthens one's chess knowledge. There is no chess without losing. It's an important life lesson to learn that there are other people out there who know different things and also have a will to win, who you can't dominate and impose your will.
I believe he is not ready for a real tournament. I will ask him to play in friendly games in the park, library...
No question you are right there, Andrei. The problem is, he cries when his brother beats him in friendly games too. I can't seem to impress upon him the value of learning from his losses. He says he undertands when I explain it to him, but then he loses 10 minutes later and off he goes into a tantrum.
No matter how big and bad you are, when a two-year-old hands you a toy phone, you answer it.
Have you ever encountered this type of behaviour before? How would you go about helping to change his attitude about losing?
By the way, this is the same student that I posted about several months ago about not being able to learn how to move the Knight. Now he LOVES moving his Knights :D
I would say for Kindergarten age, he's pretty good when he concentrates. It's just that he focuses a little too much on winning and losing, and not enough on the position at hand.
Thanks for your input, and I look forward to more.
Jordan
No matter how big and bad you are, when a two-year-old hands you a toy phone, you answer it.
I think this is great Jordan. It shows he is a very competitive player who doesn't like to lose. Competitiveness is not something you can teach. It is great he has that X factor.
Norm
Norm,
Absolutely the competitiveness is a good quality, however his negative reaction to losing is actually hurting his progress. I can't teach him to learn from his mistakes and he refuses to analyse his losses.
If I could just find a way for him to understand the positives of losing a game where he really tried his best and still lost, he'll be top notch in no time.
Thanks, Jordan
No matter how big and bad you are, when a two-year-old hands you a toy phone, you answer it.
Sure I have encountered this before. What I do is tell the parents that their child is not ready to play in tournaments. The child may never be ready. Not everyone is capable of competing.
Roughly I have found three types of people when teaching:
- Those who aren't competitive. They like chess (solving problems, seeing the artistry and humour on the board, etc.) but they aren't the least bit interested in competing themselves. Some of them would be very strong players but just aren't interested in that aspect of chess. That's about 10% or so of the people I have ever taught.
The rest are divided into two similar-sized groups:
- Those who are "tough" competitors. They learn from their mistakes. They are constantly rejigging their play to maximize their return (rating, score in tournaments). They like to win but have little problem losing because they are constantly learning from their mistakes.
- Those who are "weak" competitors. They like competing, but only when they win or when winning is assured. They seek out people they can beat. They don't like to look at their losses; they don't like to think about losing at all. Normally with such people you hear "I wasn't trying" or "I let you win" after a loss.
Sometimes weak competitors become tough competitors, but I personally don't see it very often. It is definitely not helped when parents let their children win at everything or when they make excuses for their child's poor sportsmanship. My father told me point blank that if he ever saw me making a scene in a chess tournament he would never take me to another again. Fortunately, I believed him. ;-)
It is unfair to the other participants to have to see tantrums at a tournament, so no sense ruining the event for the other people. When/if your student becomes a tough competitor then by all means encourage his participation. Until then, do everyone a favour and try to encourage the parents to keep him home.
"Tom is a well known racist, and like most of them he won't admit it, possibly even to himself." - Ed Seedhouse, October 4, 2020.
...snip...
It is definitely not helped when parents let their children win at everything or when they make excuses for their child's poor sportsmanship. My father told me point blank that if he ever saw me making a scene in a chess tournament he would never take me to another again. Fortunately, I believed him. ;-)
It is unfair to the other participants to have to see tantrums at a tournament, so no sense ruining the event for the other people. When/if your student becomes a tough competitor then by all means encourage his participation. Until then, do everyone a favour and try to encourage the parents to keep him home.
I agree with everything Tom wrote, and especially the stuff about tantrums. I would like to add to it, that I do not understand the implied acceptance of tantrums, by not absolutely leveling the boom, so to speak. If a child acted like this in a sporting event, they would be immediately removed from the game, and in a competitive environment, they would even perhaps be assessed some sort of penalty for unsporting comportment. From experience playing-coaching-reffing various sports, having zero tolerance for tantrums miraculously improves the situation. If one of my chess students does this in a group setting, I take them right to their parents (or call their parents) and leave them to decide whether they would like to call it a day and leave, or whether they would like to return to play like all of the other kids. Same goes for swearing, etc. It is unfortunate that some parents have let their kids get to this point (in some cases, there are tragic extenuating developmental circumstances), but it is just so unfair for one child to negatively impact so many others.
Just my 2c worth. In direct response to the initial question, I would say something like "until little Johnny can control his loss tantrums, he cannot participate in a tournament".
I think Zero tolerance at a kindergarden level is a bit harsh. Every kid naturally wants to win and is therefore upset about losing. I would just have a parent on hand who can take the kid outside and explain that win/lose, there's a certain honor code we all have to follow. Don't forget that some of those kids are playing for the first time and never faced this kind of pressure before. Telling the kid he won't play again if he doesn't behave is very effective, as for competitive spirit it should be developed gradually as no 6 year old kid should have a full-on killer instinct, it'll just mess up his life. If you need any more help on this matter Jordan, I'd recommend Pandolfini's Q&A way to chess, where he has a whole chapter on coaching. As Aris said, just my 2c worth :)
No question you are right there, Andrei. The problem is, he cries when his brother beats him in friendly games too. I can't seem to impress upon him the value of learning from his losses. He says he undertands when I explain it to him, but then he loses 10 minutes later and off he goes into a tantrum.
Is not my idea, but I use it at my club: the 3 possible results in chess are W(winning), D (drawing) and L (Learning).
I don't have an angel in the subject, but isn't this covered in the formal training that every potential teacher gets in Education Diploma 101? Like before they are allowed to actually get to teach kids?
Personally, I'd kick the kid the hell out of the class, but it doesn't matter what I think.....are any of you guys actually qualified to do what you are doing?
I don't have an angel in the subject, but isn't this covered in the formal training that every potential teacher gets in Education Diploma 101? Like before they are allowed to actually get to teach kids?
Personally, I'd kick the kid the hell out of the class, but it doesn't matter what I think.....are any of you guys actually qualified to do what you are doing?
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