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Abbott: So you showed me how to play these chess games on my iPad, but there's a problem.
Costello: Oh?
Abbott: Yeah... the first game is White against Black.
Costello: Yeah.
Abbott: Well, who's playing White?
Costello: White.
Abbott: Yes, White. Who's playing White?
Costello: White, I just told you that.
Abbott: Wong, you did NOT... what the...did we just turn Chinese? Look, I printed the game out... it's right there in black and white.
Costello: No, you got that backwards.
Abbott: What backwards? Look, it's right there: White against Black.
Costello: Right, White versus Black.
Abbott: But I want to know their names!
Costello: White and Black.
Abbott: Right!
Costello: Ok, glad I could help.
Abbott: What help? Look, White is just White and Black is just Black.
Costello: Were you expecting more than 2 players?
Abbott: WHAAAA?
Costello: It's just White and Black, nobody else.
Abbott: Right!
Costello: Ok, then.
Abbott: So you don't even know who's playing?
Costello: Yes, I just said it.
Abbott: Can you repeat it please, veeeeerrrry slowwwwwly.
Costello: Whiiiiite and Blaaaaack.
Abbott: Yes, both of them.
Costello: Good.
Abbott: ARRRRRRGH! Ok, forget that game, what about this second game? They got it reversed, it says Black against White.
Costello: Yeah.
Abbott: But Black never moves first in chess!
Costello: He did in that game.
Abbott: You told me White always moves first.
Costello: No, in any multi-game match, they take turns moving first.
Abbott: So they just switch it around and say Black against White?
Costello: Yes, the second game would be Black against White.
Abbott: Well, the first move says e2 to e4. Black doesn't even have a pawn on e2.
Costello: Sure he does, just like White did in the first game.
Abbott: Ahhh, so they actually move their pieces to the other side of the board?
Costello: No, they just rotate the board 180 degrees. Now Black is White.
Abbott: BUT THE GAME FILE DOESN'T SAY THAT!!! IT SAYS BLACK AGAINST WHITE!!!
Costello: Yes, right.
Abbott: Who is White?
Costello: Black.
Abbott: No, not Black, who is WHITE?
Costello: I heard you right the first time. Black.
Abbott: Ok, if you insist, who is Black?
Costello: White.
Abbott: Do you have a hearing problem!?
Costello: Well, yes, from you yelling in my face. I thought you were talking about the second game.
Abbott: Yes! Who is playing who in the second game?
Costello: You have it right there on your printout: Black and White.
Abbott: Yeah, I see it in black and white, and it says Black versus White!
Costello: Right.
Abbott: Ok, so they do switch the pieces around. You don't know everything. Now, look at this: the last move of the second game shows Black moving his Queen to h2, and it's checkmate. And then it says White wins the game.
Costello: Right.
Abbott: Huh? Black moved the White Queen--
Costello: Yes, of course.
Abbott: He can't move the White Queen!
Costello: He can if he's White.
Abbott: Wait a minute...just a minute... you didn't explain that to me. There's different rules for players who are white?
Costello: You get to move first if you're White.
Abbott: Soooo... the civil rights movement never made it to chess? There's no equality for a player if he's black?
Costello: Well, Black has to fight for equality.
Abbott: So chess is prejudiced against players who are black?
Costello: Yeah, if you're Black, it's tougher to win.
Abbott: And in this second game, Black moved the White Queen because what, he was angry?
Costello: I doubt he was angry, he was probably very satisfied, he played a great game.
Abbott: Oh, so maybe he did that because he wanted White to win just so he would feel better.
Costello: Of course, that was the whole point.
Abbott: Huh....
(long pause)
Abbott: Ok, what about this game: White against Wong. Who's White in that game?
Costello: White.
Abbott: Yes, dammit, White!
Costello: Ok, I got one right, don't go overboard.
Abbott: You didn't get it right!
Costello: White is wrong? But you said--
Abbott: NO, SILLY, Wong is Black!
Costello: Huh... A black guy named Wong...
Abbott: Wong sounds Chinese to me.
Costello: Yeah, me too, but I guess he's black.
Abbott: (sigh) Well, whatever... this last game you gave me also seems a problem.
Costello: Oh, why's that?
Abbott: Well, it's King versus Knight...
Costello: Yeah, and?
Abbott: King won the game. I thought you told me King vs. Knight is a draw?
Costello: Oh?
Abbott: Yeah... the first game is White against Black.
Costello: Yeah.
Abbott: Well, who's playing White?
Costello: White.
Abbott: Yes, White. Who's playing White?
Costello: White, I just told you that.
Abbott: Wong, you did NOT... what the...did we just turn Chinese? Look, I printed the game out... it's right there in black and white.
Costello: No, you got that backwards.
Abbott: What backwards? Look, it's right there: White against Black.
Costello: Right, White versus Black.
Abbott: But I want to know their names!
Costello: White and Black.
Abbott: Right!
Costello: Ok, glad I could help.
Abbott: What help? Look, White is just White and Black is just Black.
Costello: Were you expecting more than 2 players?
Abbott: WHAAAA?
Costello: It's just White and Black, nobody else.
Abbott: Right!
Costello: Ok, then.
Abbott: So you don't even know who's playing?
Costello: Yes, I just said it.
Abbott: Can you repeat it please, veeeeerrrry slowwwwwly.
Costello: Whiiiiite and Blaaaaack.
Abbott: Yes, both of them.
Costello: Good.
Abbott: ARRRRRRGH! Ok, forget that game, what about this second game? They got it reversed, it says Black against White.
Costello: Yeah.
Abbott: But Black never moves first in chess!
Costello: He did in that game.
Abbott: You told me White always moves first.
Costello: No, in any multi-game match, they take turns moving first.
Abbott: So they just switch it around and say Black against White?
Costello: Yes, the second game would be Black against White.
Abbott: Well, the first move says e2 to e4. Black doesn't even have a pawn on e2.
Costello: Sure he does, just like White did in the first game.
Abbott: Ahhh, so they actually move their pieces to the other side of the board?
Costello: No, they just rotate the board 180 degrees. Now Black is White.
Abbott: BUT THE GAME FILE DOESN'T SAY THAT!!! IT SAYS BLACK AGAINST WHITE!!!
Costello: Yes, right.
Abbott: Who is White?
Costello: Black.
Abbott: No, not Black, who is WHITE?
Costello: I heard you right the first time. Black.
Abbott: Ok, if you insist, who is Black?
Costello: White.
Abbott: Do you have a hearing problem!?
Costello: Well, yes, from you yelling in my face. I thought you were talking about the second game.
Abbott: Yes! Who is playing who in the second game?
Costello: You have it right there on your printout: Black and White.
Abbott: Yeah, I see it in black and white, and it says Black versus White!
Costello: Right.
Abbott: Ok, so they do switch the pieces around. You don't know everything. Now, look at this: the last move of the second game shows Black moving his Queen to h2, and it's checkmate. And then it says White wins the game.
Costello: Right.
Abbott: Huh? Black moved the White Queen--
Costello: Yes, of course.
Abbott: He can't move the White Queen!
Costello: He can if he's White.
Abbott: Wait a minute...just a minute... you didn't explain that to me. There's different rules for players who are white?
Costello: You get to move first if you're White.
Abbott: Soooo... the civil rights movement never made it to chess? There's no equality for a player if he's black?
Costello: Well, Black has to fight for equality.
Abbott: So chess is prejudiced against players who are black?
Costello: Yeah, if you're Black, it's tougher to win.
Abbott: And in this second game, Black moved the White Queen because what, he was angry?
Costello: I doubt he was angry, he was probably very satisfied, he played a great game.
Abbott: Oh, so maybe he did that because he wanted White to win just so he would feel better.
Costello: Of course, that was the whole point.
Abbott: Huh....
(long pause)
Abbott: Ok, what about this game: White against Wong. Who's White in that game?
Costello: White.
Abbott: Yes, dammit, White!
Costello: Ok, I got one right, don't go overboard.
Abbott: You didn't get it right!
Costello: White is wrong? But you said--
Abbott: NO, SILLY, Wong is Black!
Costello: Huh... A black guy named Wong...
Abbott: Wong sounds Chinese to me.
Costello: Yeah, me too, but I guess he's black.
Abbott: (sigh) Well, whatever... this last game you gave me also seems a problem.
Costello: Oh, why's that?
Abbott: Well, it's King versus Knight...
Costello: Yeah, and?
Abbott: King won the game. I thought you told me King vs. Knight is a draw?
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