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I think Zero tolerance at a kindergarden level is a bit harsh. Every kid naturally wants to win and is therefore upset about losing. I would just have a parent on hand who can take the kid outside and explain that win/lose, there's a certain honor code we all have to follow. Don't forget that some of those kids are playing for the first time and never faced this kind of pressure before. Telling the kid he won't play again if he doesn't behave is very effective, as for competitive spirit it should be developed gradually as no 6 year old kid should have a full-on killer instinct, it'll just mess up his life. If you need any more help on this matter Jordan, I'd recommend Pandolfini's Q&A way to chess, where he has a whole chapter on coaching. As Aris said, just my 2c worth :)
Hi Mike, thanks for your reply, which I largely agree with, and I regret if my post seemed overly harsh. I still stand by what I was thinking when I wrote it, but let me rephrase it.
Sometimes writing is practically useless compared to speaking face-to-face, but I'll try!
Hope this works! When I think "zero tolerance for unacceptable behavior", I am not thinking "ZERO TOLERANCE for behavior I do not like", but rather I am thinking "zero tolerance for GROSSLY UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR THAT MESSES UP OTHER KIDS".
Many kids that I teach will get upset when they lose, perhaps even cry and pout for a bit, and I compassionately try to make that a learning moment, to make them come back psychologically stronger than ever before. My wife was exceptionally good at coaching little girls in that situation, and years later, some of these now appropriately confident young ladies assist me in teaching the youngest kids. I am very proud of that.
However, and maybe I misread the initial post, but I got the impression that we were talking about a child who was having genuine crying fit tantrums. That crosses my line.
To add to that, I find that I put a lot of weight on the component of disrupting others. Dunno why exactly, but I am somewhat wired that way, protecting the cool majority! :)
I have a five-year-old student who cries and throws a temper tantrum whenever he loses a game. Since he's in Kindergarten, he's supposed to play his first tournament tomorrow.
I won our first practice game, and he just burst into tears for ten minutes, even though I told him he played extremely well (which he did).
Has anyone encountered this kind of behaviour before? I need help!
Thanks, Jordan
Some "adults" can behave that way too; think Walter Browne
I don't have an angel in the subject, but isn't this covered in the formal training that every potential teacher gets in Education Diploma 101? Like before they are allowed to actually get to teach kids?
Personally, I'd kick the kid the hell out of the class, but it doesn't matter what I think.....are any of you guys actually qualified to do what you are doing?
All kids misbehave at some time. What you do not want to do is lead the child to escalation (power and revenge); you want to defuse the situation.
In my chess class for children I teach chess etiquette as part of teaching the rules. By teaching respect for one's opponent, for example, a learning player understands that they are unlikely to defeat their opponent in a few moves and will need to develop their pieces, castle their King, etc. Respect has a boomerang effect and helps their game.
And yes. Educational Psychology is a required course these days. Classroom Management has also come a long way. Barrie Bennett has a great book that is used at Vancouver Island University (where I am studying teaching) on that subject. Hope that helps.
Dogs will bark, but the caravan of chess moves on.
I don't have an angel in the subject, but isn't this covered in the formal training that every potential teacher gets in Education Diploma 101? Like before they are allowed to actually get to teach kids?
Personally, I'd kick the kid the hell out of the class, but it doesn't matter what I think.....are any of you guys actually qualified to do what you are doing?
Hi Dan,
These are all private lessons at the students' homes.
As for qualifications, I have certification from Chess & Math Association from many many years ago. That qualifies me to teach chess... the child psychology part I learned in university.
I wouldn't give a child the boot for crying after losing a game, especially a five-year-old. However, I would consider delaying his start in tournaments if I felt this would be a problem. Ultimately, he and his parents make the decisions, I just offer my professional opinion (which I have greatly formed thanks to everyone's responses).
All the best, Jordan
No matter how big and bad you are, when a two-year-old hands you a toy phone, you answer it.
Thanks to everyone who posted replies, and please, keep them coming... this is a very interesting and important topic.
I talked to his mom as I was leaving at the end of the lesson yesterday, and I asked her to chat with him about what positive results really mean. I told him (as did his mom) that playing his best, and taking his time should be his key focal points. Winning and losing are not important, especially since the other players are all older (the group is K-Grade 3).
So he went to bed early last night, and his mom said that this morning he woke up, ran to her and said "mom, I want to play today, and I promise I won't cry!"
And he played today! He got one stalemate from a lost position, and four goose-eggs... but he was giggly and smiley all day (which is what I'm used to!).
The important thing is that he had fun, learned from his mistakes, and is eager to play and learn more.
Jordan
No matter how big and bad you are, when a two-year-old hands you a toy phone, you answer it.
However, and maybe I misread the initial post, but I got the impression that we were talking about a child who was having genuine crying fit tantrums. That crosses my line...
Aris,
You read that correctly. The only part about this thread that I don't know if I made clear is that this is during private lesson games between me and my student, and occasionally between him and his older brother at home. He hasn't played in tournaments yet (well, he did today), and he has never been in a classroom chess setting.
Fortunately, he was well behaved today... not even a tear shed after any of his five games. A couple of other kids cried (quietly) after losing games in the latter rounds which eliminated them from medal contention, but that's to be expected.
Take care, Jordan
No matter how big and bad you are, when a two-year-old hands you a toy phone, you answer it.
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